Learning to take care of myself

It's hard to look in the mirror and see my usually small frame covered with 50 extra pounds. I avoid looking in mirrors because my image is so depressing. I've tried half heartedly over the last year to get an exercise regimen going again. In the past I loved to exercise and even spent 5 years in the military, but it has been hard to muster any lasting motivation. I am trying again because one of these days I will have the energy and will power to make it stick - I hope this time will be it.

I hope that creating this blog will help me stay motivated.

First Blog Entry

I'm learning to building a new life for myself, a better life for myself, after a devastating divorce. I realize now that being abandoned as a child created a distorted notion of a loving relationship. Ultimately I was attracted to the familiar indifference of my youth and found myself caring for someone who could never love me, or anyone. Now after almost 15 years of marriage I have a second chance at life. But the divorce and resurfacing childhood emotions have left me with low self-esteem, 50 pounds over weight and emotionally exhausted.
On top of it all, I am the sole parent of two little boys.

Yet, I am determined to come out of this on top. This is the story of my long journey back to me.